Immigration — and stepping into new cultures , gradually turned me into more of an introvert. In unfamiliar environments, I spoke less and observed more. I started paying closer attention to people: how they speak, how they present themselves, how they navigate conversations, and what their behavior quietly reveals. It wasn’t intentional, but it slowly turned into a quiet habit — a kind of learning that goes beyond words.

And through this, one thing has stood out to me over and over again: trying too hard to appear smart often backfires. In fact, it usually does the opposite — it creates distance rather than connection.

Because some of the people I know might read this blog, I’ve chosen not to share specific stories or situations. But I’m sure you’ve come across moments like this too: when someone is clearly trying to outsmart everyone in the room — speaking or acting in a way that signals, "I’m the smartest one here." You can feel it, right? That quiet confidence that crosses into overconfidence. They’re counting a bit too much on their cleverness… maybe even assuming others won’t notice what they’re doing.

Lets just say a classic example here: when an influencer promotes a product that’s clearly not what it claims to be. They market it as authentic, original, “the real deal.” But when it all unravels, and people start asking questions, their response is something like: “I had no idea! I trusted the brand. I was misled too!” Ummm well NO we know very well that you haven't been mislead AT ALL!

It’s not just about influencers, though. You’ve probably felt it in everyday situations (in meetings, collaborations, negotiations) where someone silently assumes they’re smarter than everyone else... and maybe assumes you’re not quite paying attention. But your gut tells you otherwise. You can sense when someone’s placing too much faith in their own cleverness — and underestimating yours.

I’ve always wondered — why do people do that?

Let’s set the business examples aside. I saw this kind of behavior mostly in everyday personal interactions. I think part of it comes down to the fact that, us as human beings, we constantly compare ourselves to others. It’s part of how we navigate the world. And while in the past, those comparisons might’ve focused more on physical strength or status, today it feels like there’s a new arena: mental superiority.

Now, it’s not just about being stronger or more attractive, it’s also about seeming more intelligent, more wit, more insightful. We want to have the upper hand in conversations. We want to sound sharp. We want to win socially. Whether it's our verbal IQ, our ability to read people, or our talent for manipulating a situation, we’re essentially assuming we’re smarter than the person across the table.

It’s subtle, but it’s there. And maybe that’s why some people lean so hard into looking smart, even if it doesn’t land the way they think it does!

From what I’ve seen, relying on clever tricks or mental games(and assuming the other side does understand these games) rarely works out the way people hope. These strategies often fall flat. Maybe because you simply can’t see  how smart is the other side! How would you know the person across the table isn’t sharper than you? or doesn’t already have access to the very information you hoped they’d never see?

These people making assumptions about something that's invisible and unpredictable.

There’s also something more subtle, but just as important: people don’t like to feel stupid. The moment someone senses they’re being manipulated or underestimated, even slightly, it usually backfires. Trust goes away, and defensiveness kicks in.

Maybe actually one of the smartest things we can do (in certain situations) is just to give space to others too, instead of trying to prove that we know everything. Maybe the truly smart ones are those who don’t always need to look smart, but they know when it matters, and when it really doesn’t.

I’ve seen people use this mindset incredibly well. They don’t push their intelligence; they hold it back, strategically. And somehow, they often end up getting exactly what they want — not by overpowering others with wit or insight, but by making the other side feel seen, respected, and smart.

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