I was working at a hotel as the assistant to the Resident Manager. I was new there, and this was my first experience being part of the management team. Our manager had to leave for a short period, and she asked me to handle any complaints during her absence.

One day, we had a very angry guest in the restaurant, who became so upset that even the restaurant manager was about to call the police because of her disrespectful language and behavior. Eventually, I managed to handle the situation and calm the guest down. I felt extremely proud of myself, especially given my young age and limited experience. Honestly, I couldn't wait for my manager to return so I could tell her the story and get praised for my handling of the situation :)

However, when she returned, before I could even finish telling her what happened, she asked, "Did you remember that I said we always take the guest's name, email, and phone number so I can get in touch later?" It was only at that moment that I realized I had completely forgotten to do so. Instead of admitting my mistake, I tried to frame the issue differently by saying, "Yes, but she was extremely rude and disrespectful, and I didn't want you to have to deal with her since I had already handled it."

Unfortunately, this approach didn’t work out as I hoped. My manager couldn't understand why I was concerned about bothering her rather than following the protocol she had taught me. Instead of praise, I received a lecture. I was genuinely upset that day, but it served as a flashback to an important lesson I had learned from my negotiation teacher.

Mohammadreza, during a negotiation course: the significance of "problem ownership."

Mohammadreza explained that when you frame an issue as someone else's problem, you inadvertently allow them to solve it in ways that may not align with your interests. BUT, when you frame the issue as your own, and try to highlight your limitations, your challenges, and your needs, you have much higher chance maintaining control and encourage solutions that genuinely benefiting YOU.

Reflecting later, I realized I could have handled this differently. Rather than presenting it as a problem for my manager, I should have clearly framed it as my own issue; this might have invited collaboration and shown my manager my willingness to take responsibility. Instead, by incorrectly framing it as protecting her from inconvenience, I unintentionally created confusion and missed an opportunity for constructive support.

This experience reminded me of my teacher's lessons:

1. Misconceptions in Problem-Solving: People often mistakenly believe it's their responsibility to solve problems for others or expect others to resolve their challenges without explicitly stating their own limitations. This approach mostly leads to inefficient or suboptimal outcomes. Recognizing the boundaries of responsibility helps everyone involved stay aligned and effective.
2. The Risks of Assumption: Assuming you fully understand someone else's problem or priorities without direct input can lead to misguided solutions. Open communication and explicit discussions about ownership are important. Without these, efforts to resolve issues often become misdirected and ultimately unsuccessful.
3. Systems Thinking and Sustainable Outcomes: Adopting a broader perspective—considering the long-term impact and collective interest—often transforms seemingly selfish solutions into collaborative and sustainable ones. In organizational theory, clearly defining problem ownership ensures balanced, sustainable results, benefiting everyone involved.

As Mohammadreza taught us, "Always frame the issue as your own—it's the surest way to keep the solution aligned with your best interests." This always leads to better, more sustainable solutions. And this applies to different aspects of life, from team management and Negotiation to Personal Relationships.

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