Negotiation skills aren’t just for boardrooms or business deals—they’re for everyone. Whether you're selling a product, managing a team, parenting, teaching, or even navigating politics, knowing how to negotiate can make a big difference in your life. If you're into personal growth, I highly recommend diving into the art of negotiation, even if you don’t see yourself in a corporate job. It’s a skill worth having, no matter what you do. So first, let's explore what can actually be considered a negotiation.

1. Conflict, differences, contradictions, or gaps between 'desires, expectations, and needs': You can think of hundreds of examples, either in commercial negotiations, emotional negotiations, political negotiations or negotiations between spouses. What they all have in common is some form of conflict, difference, contradiction, or gap. If both parties are in complete agreement on a matter, naturally, there will be No Negotiations.
2. The parties have 'chosen' Negotiation as their tool to resolve disputes: This tool is useful when both parties have 'chosen' and 'accepted' it. Negotiation occurs when both sides accept it as a tool and framework for interaction, to increase mutual satisfaction, to create more economic and social value, to ensure the sustainability of a business, an     organization, or a country.
3. The parties are ready to make concessions: Negotiation is all about the give and take. It's the art of making exchanges: you offer something, and in return, you get something back. It’s a game where both sides might have to step back a little from their demands to find common ground. But let’s be real—not every negotiation has a perfect ending where everyone gets exactly what they want. That's why a skilled negotiator always aims for that ideal outcome but is ready to make smart trade-offs when needed. In negotiation, flexibility is very important.

Do we negotiate with ourselves too? Absolutely!

Negotiation is often framed as an exchange between two or more parties, with terms like ‘multilateral’ reinforcing the idea that it requires multiple sides. However, some of the most critical negotiations occur internally, within our own minds. This concept, known as 'self-negotiation,' is widely recognized not only in negotiation theory but also in fields like psychology, communication, and decision-making. Think about it: every time you say, 'I’m treating myself today,' or battle with thoughts like, 'I shouldn’t have done that,' you’re negotiating with yourself. These are the little deals we strike with our own minds every day, and they’re just as important as any boardroom bargain. So next time you're stuck between two choices, remember—you’re already a negotiator!

The term 'Self-Negotiation' covers a wide range of topics and specialized fields. On one hand, some philosophers have written books about it. For example, Jean Nienkamp wrote a book called Internal Rhetoric, which explores the history and theories of self-persuasion. On the other hand, authors of beginner books on negotiation and sales also discuss and analyze self-negotiation.

Some examples of Self-Negotiation:

• Inability to choose a position or action: Sometimes, in the middle of a negotiation, you reach a point where you have couple of options in front of you, but you can't easily choose between them. Imagine that there's little money left in your bank account, and there's still a week until you receive your salary. At a music store, you see tickets for your favorite artist's concert, and only a limited number are left. You think to yourself that if you don't buy a ticket now, they might sell out and you'll miss the chance to see the concert. But if you buy it, you'll have to be very frugal until the end of the month. Silently, you stand in front of the ticket counter, looking at the tickets. Others are unaware of your internal struggle. But there's a serious negotiation happening in your mind: one voice says, "Buy the ticket right now," and another voice responds, "Now isn't the right time for this purchase."
• Adjusting your position or action before the other side even makes a move: take a look at these examples: You ask your friend, "Do you want to go to the movies together tonight?" Your friend hasn't reacted yet and hesitates. You quickly add, "Of course, if you have work or are tired, we can plan for another day." / You ask your coworker, "Can you help me with this report today?" He hasn't responded yet and seems to be thinking. Before hearing an answer, You say, "If you're busy, I can handle it myself. From these examples, you've likely noticed that Self-Negotiation is also considered a form of irony in such situations. When we say, "Be careful not to negotiate with yourself," it means you should be cautious not to speak for both sides of the negotiation yourself.

Here are two out of many reasons why we do self-negotiation:

• Self-negotiation can result from the Lack of Information: Why might you have several options in mind but not know which one to propose to the other party? One of the most important reasons could be that you do not have enough information. It's not accurate to say that gathering more information will always prevent self-negotiation. However, the more information you have, the less likely you are to engage in the game of negotiating with yourself.
• Self-negotiation can stem from Unclear Values: Negotiation is essentially a series of decisions, and decision-making becomes challenging when we aren’t sure about our hierarchy of values. We must know what matters more: the company’s brand or its liquidity? Liquidity or profitability? Retaining customers at any cost or upholding quality standards, even if it means losing customers? Employee satisfaction or customer happiness? Shareholder satisfaction or customer loyalty? These types of comparisons apply beyond business negotiations, too: Is my own peace of mind more important than my partner’s? Does my bank balance matter more than my social reputation? Should I prioritize my health over my pleasures? Is the location of my home more significant than its size? In reality, we face with unexpected dilemmas in life and business that we simply cannot avoid. It’s crucial to clearly understand our hierarchy of values to avoid negotiating with ourselves under pressure or in front of the other party.

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The first step in managing self-negotiation is to identify its instances in your own negotiations. Think back over the past few weeks and months and consider where you have negotiated with yourself. Can you identify a common pattern among them?

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